If you're not interested to read long entries, I suggest you start changing sites. But if you are interested in what I have to say about trust in certain aspects, please continue forward and let me hear your opinions as you have read mine.

When trust is broken, it's hard to mend it back. For some, it takes a short while, for some, it takes a long while, but for others, once broken, it's broken forever.

Trust is crucial in every situation. Kinship, Relationship, Friendship, and even among your work colleagues.

In kinship, even if trust is broken, it probably takes a short while to build the trust back. What's the reason? I feel it's because of blood relations. Should that person ever feel extremely guilty about breaking trust, you should feel guilty to your family. Not anyone else. Without your family, where else can you go? You wouldn't be where you are because of your family. But then again, it doesn't mean that once you break it, it's alright.. First time, forgiveable. Second time, frustrations. Third time, no one will be on your side anymore. A family love, though unconditional and faithful, it doesn't apply to trust.

Relationship: I'm talking about boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. This includes LGBT too. I'm pretty sure before a couple goes official, it's the dating period. You met up, had some breakfast/brunch/lunch/dinner and whatever else you were doing, all for the purpose of getting to know each other. And when both of you decided to take a step further, the trust had been established, which is why you took a step further (duh..) But for whatever reason, the trust suddenly broke, because your partner lied about the past, health, work, when you said that you no longer keep in touch with your ex and yet you still catch him/her connected to his/her ex somehow, and etc.. I won't say the trust was totally, 100% broken, but at least more than 50% for sure. This is for the first time. Second time, expect it to rise more than 20% at a time. Third time, it might actually mean 100%.. BEWARE!! Sure your partner will give you another chance again, but HELLO??? Don't you, by now, should be aware of what's happening?? Shouldn't you, by now, learnt your lesson??? Sure we trust that once it's over, it is over.. And there's a reason you chose us to be your partner (note: I didn't mention LIFE), but there can also be a reason that you will leave us too. And of course, we know that both of you are still friends so you have the choice of keeping in touch with each other and checking out each other's profile on social-networking sites. We will definitely not stop you because those belongs to you, your actions are depicted by you. You can for sure do whatever you want. We are just scared that the feelings will rekindle. You don't have to stop all the contacts literally (although this may seem the only alternative). We are just being careful not to fall too deep and hurt ourselves at the end.

Just a note: Girls are scary creatures. They get really jealous easily. It's not about trust, commitment, faithfulness, loyalty, respect and whatever else you can come up with. And we are NOT being emotional too!! If that's what guys like to think of girls when we snap............ There's a part of us that we lack confidence. We may be confident in your eyes, because firstly, you make us feel good, secondly, you make us look good, and thirdly.. I don't really know what else.. But whenever the word 'ex' or her name comes up, that's when we feel dejected... Jealousy yes.. But not in terms of hating her, but in terms of feeling inferior to her. Especially when you're with her for that long and everyone and anyone that you know, knows her too, better still, some became best friends with her. So here's the problem: We're scared. Not scared of your friends, but scared of being compared to your ex by your friends (sometimes people really have nothing better to do but to compare). We're scared of not being able to be as lovely, and capable as her in front of your friends. There's a pressure to be your girlfriend in front of people who knows her too. A pressure to be accepted. Yes we know that you won't break up with us if we're not accepted by others. But please understand that most of us do preferred to be accepted by people that matters to you, just like how we want you to be accepted by people that matters to us.

Talking about being emotional, which is on people's mouth all the time whenever a girl snaps "She's just being emotional", "Don't be so emotional", "Why are you so emotional" and bla bla bla.. Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls, Young and Old, please listen up! We are NOT being emotional. If you need a good reason that we're NOT, I'll tell you: It's because of YOU!! We don't snap just because we want to. We don't cry because we want to. Think of it this way: when we watch a romantic or sad show, we cry because the show was very touching. We can't help it. But this doesn't mean we are being emotional. When you are driving, someone cuts into your space, nearly causing an accident, you get angry because of what that driver did. You're not being emotional. When we snap, it's not because we want to do it. It's because of something that you did that pisses us off, and first try, we suck it in. Second try, we try to suck it in, but we talk to you. Third try, that's it! We are NOT being emotional! We tried getting the message across but nothing seems to work on you.. So before you start calling us emotional, STOP and think of your actions before you jump any conclusions on us. And yes, we all appreciate that you suck it all in and tolerated our 'nonsense', which made us feel guilty and we ended up apologizing to you for our poor behavior... my only thought? "What the........" If it should end, we take the exit remorsefully. We can't blame you. We have only ourselves to blame. The only thing we can blame is our "emotionality" PERIOD

It's been researched somehow that it's good to have arguments in a relationship, it will help to strengthen it, provided that the argument had been resolved maturely. But please understand that these arguments aren't about breakups.... Of course, some people will not end it just like that because too much time and effort has been placed on it and it's not worth it to let go just like that.. But seriously if the word 'breakup' comes up so often despite talking things out and trying to make things work, I'm pretty sure there comes a point where things really have to end. It hurts but better than having to live with the pain through marriage and for life.. And also, it's probably time to let go and find another that you for sure know, you will be happy with it..

Word of advice for beakups: DO NOT.. EVER.. break up using text or email!! It's the sluttiest, shittiest, most despicable, most ridiculous, most coward, most asshole way of breaking up. Like I said, girls are SCARY creatures. You do this, your name is dead forever!! BE VERY VERY AWARE!! Well this applies to girls too.

About the boys: we know you're being logical. It's probably the best way to handle any situation. You don't base it on feelings. But then again, don't logics have something to do with feelings too? And some boys are insensitive towards their partners thoughts etc, but at least he made it up with something else, why else would you decide to go out with him right? If he's not a romantic person, there must be something else that attracted him to you, so just focus on that. If he's not sensitive to your concerns and you don't see improvements despite talking to him and he kept saying "I'll try" or "I understand", then stop trying to make him improve. He's probably at the point where he is not born to do it. But I'm still going to repeat myself: there must be something else that attracted him to you, so just focus on that. If it's going to be a big issue for you, then keep talking until he's sick and tired and really tried to do it. Worse come to worse, he will ask for a break (NOT breakup) between both of you, or if he really can't handle the pressure to reach your expectations, he might actually end it off. So..... weigh the options and priorities!! Because he is insensitive, he won't know what exactly is wrong, why you are always being 'emotional' and why you are always doing whatever that he least expects (positively), so it's your job to talk to him until he understands fully!!! Do whatever you have to do, be it straight-forward, screaming at him, crying out to him and bla bla bla, just get the message across!!! Don't sit and think. You'll only make yourself worse. SAY IT OUT!!!

Based on my observations, once a boy likes a girl and decides to take a step further or maybe several, such as introducing his family and friends to you, believe it or not, you have become part of his life.. You ARE his life! He cares no one else but you.. You YOu YOU!!! Which apparently doesn't seem to apply to girls as yet since there's more people that she really cares for. Let's just say, it's how girls are made??? Your man is willing to take you anywhere, he's willing to shop with you knowing that he hates doing that the most. He pays for your meals and when you request to pay (after he had paid so much), he still has to think twice about it. He constantly showers you with gifts, hugs and kisses, and never fails to tell you everyday, every hour, and almost every hour that "you're so beautiful", "you look so good", "I'm the luckiest man in the world".. Give him some credit for being a good guy (sorry guys, I can't say you're great yet). But needless to say, just like you need your space to spend time with your friends and have time for yourself, he needs it too!!! He needs time for himself (to chill and relax), to hang out with his buddies, to catch up on his shows and sports, and even his family!! Whatever applies to you, it applies to him too.. Afterall, we're all still human beings, not robots.

Attention boys: Please do dO DO try to be more sensitive. You think we want to behave the way we want to (negatively), we don't want to. We just want what's best for us to make you feel better in the relationship. We don't want to nag at you. We DO get tired of nagging. For some girls, we just give up. But for some, if they are really determined to make things work and last, they will continue to do it. So if you can't take it, then do something about it instead of telling us "You're thinking too much", "you worry too much", even worse "you know i'm not good with this stuff".. Yes we know, but hey, we tried to be better for you, so shouldn't you at least put in some more effort? We are not talking about lots of it, just a pinch of it. We can tell if you did or did not put in effort. And please also understand that we do need constant confirmation that you're there supporting us and not with someone else.... You may think it's ok to do this or that, but sometimes, your actions do hurt us too.. Yes we do try to stand in your shoes and understand your logic and we did and we tried NOT to commit the same mistake, but at least please stand in our shoes and understand why we behave this way. We suck it all up. All the flaws we see in you and knowing that those flaws matter to us, but you matter to us more, we suck it up. But there's also a limit to how much we can absorb. We have a breaking point too. It may not be as much as you, so please do try to understand!! We behave this way, because we care for you, we truly and genuinely want you in our lives and if there's a need to say this.. We love you!

Yes I agree that this is too much work to keep the relationship alive and lasting, but what do you expect? The number of years that you're with your ex, or the number of exes that you have might not matter to you, but trust me, it matters to girls. To us, it talks about the amount of time that both of you had spent, and the things that both of you had done. These are precious memories for the girls (in case you are the forgetful ones). For us, we have probably few things in our head: Where can I create new memories with my partner? How can I create new one? What can we do that will not be the same as my partner had done with his/her ex?
And when we do see you on the streets, these memories do flash back, and at times, we feel regret in letting you go because those memories are really wonderful.. Get it?? We only remember the good ones and forget the bad ones because it's not worth it. But trust me, once the trust is fully build upon, knowing that it's hard to shake it off (unless you do it on purpose), the rewards and sacrifice that a girl can provide is intensely amazing.. And she will do it unconditionally for you. All we ask for is hard work for now, proving the worthiness, patience, faithfulness and trust!! THIS ALSO APPLIES TO GIRLS!!


Alright, here comes friendship...

Let's talk about best friends and maybe close friends too, whichever your definition is. I'm pretty sure these people have been with you longer than your partner (unless you have a childhood partner) and family (think in terms of time spent with them compared to your BFFs).. They probably know you inside out much better than any of those 2. You guys hanged out almost half of the 24hours day everyday (maybe not so much), talked about almost everything under the sun, NOT excluding partners, sex and the opposite gender. This is when trust comes.. You trust each other to keep whatever you were discussing to keep it there! SECRETS that's what the word is. It's not supposed to be shared, it's not supposed to be announced, it's supposed to be inside you. Once it's shared to you voluntarily by the first party, you do NOT volunteer to share it with anyone. It's NOT your business. The business is only between the first party and yourself. Think of it as a real business. You wouldn't want to share your client's business with someone else. You keep it for yourself! Get it??? You don't want to risk losing friendship nor the trust, because when you do, there's nothing left for you all to hang out together anymore.

Now here comes the money issue. I'm pretty sure your best friends and close friends are willing to LOAN you money in times of desperate moments. But that doesn't mean you take it and go. Note that I say LOAN not any other that my indicate as a gift. You only receive it without obligations if you have won it, or it's a red-packet, or someone gives to you UNCONDITIONALLY. You have to return it once you get your money or have enough to return. If you need more time, at least let that lender know about it. It's not the lender's job to remind you or question you. It's your job to do it since you're the lendee, and you are guilty of charge!! Do NOT break the trust especially when it comes to financial agonies!! It's probably the most painful agony you'll ever have to live with. This will only be a one chance thingy. No twice, no thrice, just ONCE!

When it comes to meeting up for whatever occasions or no special reason, is it always the same person organizing it? If it is, I think this person should STOP!! Don't you think you're doing too much for people?? And do they even care?? If they don't, you should consider if they should be your best friends or just acquaintances. Even if you like organizing it, do people actually appreciate your effort to get everyone available, the time you spent to decide a place and time? Do they even communicate with you when you're there?... Ok what has this to do with trust? Maybe not a lot but in way. I just don't trust them to stand by you in times of trouble and desperations. They are merely what you call: ACQUAINTANCES..

Speaking about acquaintances, I don't even want to talk more about them. If they break the trust, so what?? It's not like you associate with them a lot. They are more of network solutions. Maybe when you need a job or when you need to get some info for whatever reasons..

Lastly, work relations... Trust?? Hell lots of it.. No trust, business goes down, your colleagues ignores you, your manager distrusts you, what's worse, rumors start spreading about your competency and how you betrayed the department and company.. which ultimately leads to 'frying cuttlefish" (for those of you who have no clue what it means, it just translates to being fired). What's even worse after that, probably very little companies will want to hire you. The key is: references and network!!

Sure you can live without friends.. but just a shortwhile. Everyone needs a companion, a different type of companion. A family member, a partner (maybe not so since the world is so modernized now...), at least a best friend, some good/close friends and some acquaintances.

Why am I saying all these?? Because of what happened in the past, present and probably what I feel about the future. Of course I'm not just relating to my experiences but what's happening around me. If you think that I've done all those and am now a strong girl, Trust me, I've been through it and I still have yet to toughen up. My heart still hurt at times even now as I type and some thoughts start to appear, be it from people that matters way a lot to me or mere acquaintances. Sure I'm a people pleaser.. But if I feel good about it, I don't mind. But if I know that nothing good will come out of it, I'll be nice, not pleasing you... And as with the previous post, I said that I've tons of things to blog/write about. This is probably the first post. What triggered me to blog about it, because I want whoever's reading this to understand more about trust in different situations, about boys and girls!!

Seriously, things don't happen as an one-sided issue. It's always a two-sided thing, just like it takes 2 hands to clap. It takes 2 people to make a relationship (including any of those that I've mentioned earlier) better than it was before. Yes it takes just one hand or one person to break the trust, but it still takes 2 hands and 2 people to build that trust back. If someone is trying hard to prove his/her trust and worthiness, you need to be open or give that person another chance. Don't close your heart or mind. It doesn't work, rather it doesn't help us. It doesn't make a difference then. Why one behave the way he/she did, that person must be triggered by someone or something. Don't blame them for behaving the way they did. It's really not like they wanted to. Suggest close an eye and ignore the situation? Sure anyone can do that if it doesn't matter much to them. But if they are bothered about it, then please do know that it does matter to them dearly!!

But.. if you have anything against this post, I would definitely gladly listen to your opinions. You help me to understand better too. And I really appreciate it. Alrighty... that's it for now..

PEACE OUT!

(I think I'm getting serious about getting my thought across through my blog and of course my personal journal with more detailed info in it.. but a few issues: something must trigger me like now and time!!)

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