Friends or acquaintances??
Was talking to Dear about something yesterday.. And she said something along the line of "Some friends may not make good roommates"
I guess it hit upon both of us. But hey, I made friends from roommate situation and that's not going to change anything, until all habits starts to show.. And sometimes I get a little tired of it, because I don't see some efforts made, or have I been too 'nice' and gave in, closed on eye on almost everything... I think I made a lot of changes to my lifestyle right now, but there are some things in life that is too hard to change, and these are things that are so dear to me, that if I change, I know almost everything that I hold on dearly will be screwed..
And now it seems like i'm not in the right to have my own say about certain situations. It's not my right to get angry, it's not my right to say no, it's not my right to consider my values, it's not my right to have some silence when I really need it the most and i made it obvious.. It's all been a one-sided sacrifice.. There are rules to follow everywhere but apparently no one follows it because it should be acceptable that the other party just accepts it.. Oh well..
Do I not have any say in anything?? I guess maybe not, because I know that I will lose many things thereafter.. Am I prepared to lose so much? Yes and No. I don't even know what I really want anymore. I don't even know who I should listen to. Why do I feel like I'm really back to square one where I lost so many precious things and it's all because I was too 'nice'.....
I guess my dilemma was an excuse for me to get out of here literally and start afresh somewhere else.. Have I not been making enough changes? Or rather have I not been making the right changes?? I just don't feel happy being myself anymore, I don't feel good about myself anymore.. I feel like I'm just following other people's orders, like a baby who has to be constantly watch over, constantly told what to do and what not to do... And when I do the opposite, people get angry with me just because I don't have the right to do what I want to do... Sigh...
Life's so miserable.....
Saturday, January 31, 2009 ; 5:51 PM
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