Was facebooking and came across a note from a friend which left me debating within me, sharing my thoughts and views with each other and bla bla bla.. This is probably the longest blog I've written in these years of blogging!! Haha But please bear with me Haha..

The story goes:

Recently a client shared a conversation she had with her sister-in-law. Having just turned 30, her well-meaning 30-something sister-in-law decided it was her sisterly-in-law duty to highlight certain phases in life my client should now 'venture'.

My client said she painted the worst possible scenario, which left her sleepless for one night....

Sister-in-law:"....you know, when women turn 30, their market value begins to drop. And they will slowly and surely be left on the shelves and ignored like a can of expired luncheon meat." ( ok I added those )

My client:Listening intently. Tune of 'The Twilight Zone' ringing in her mind.

Sister-in-law:"....men are different...As they age, their market value gets better and higher. Their financial capabilities improve and they can afford more luxuries. Which also means they have more choices. Choices with women. Choices with younger girls. They are now the honey with all unmarried women being the bees. Not to mention the international market available to them nowadays. The China bees, Russian bees, Vietnamese bees, Batam bees....

Your boyfriend and you have been together for four years. Why hasn't he proposed? ( Pity the innocent bloke ) Maybe you should hint to him...after all it's not very nice to be together for so long and not settle down. ( WHY marriage = settle down? What is so 'settling down' about marriage? ) At least if he is not ready, then you'll know where your relationship stands and you can move on. ( To where? ) Besides, it's also not right to force anyone to get married." ( but you can cajole them... )

My client:Unglamourously traumatised.

The End

What is marriage?

What is the meaning of settling down?

What is called Perfect or complete family?

What is considered as Mr/Miss/Mrs Right?

Why do people want to get married?

Who, what, where, when, why and how are the many many questions in my head right now and will forever be when a new relationship starts with someone else, be it a friend friend relationship, love relationship, family relations, and so on. But there comes a point where we start thinking of the above. But then again, for what? Who eventually started all this but I guess none of us care, but as we start to get older, we need to think of this and that and this and that and if we don't, we won't feel good nor will the people around us. So this is when pressure comes in. Peer pressure, family pressure, spouse pressure.. Hmm, some may even lead to religion pressure, probably complex and more argumentative, and probably the most destructive of all causes of breakups and divorces..

Of course I hear many different views and thoughts. Some felt that maybe this person has not experienced 'True Love' or probably loves him/herself more and no others. There are some who agrees with her and likes her thoughts but there are some who are probably on the verge of banning her. Haha.

Here are my views, which I'm going to be truthful so if anyone feels insulted or disagree, please let me hear yours too. Just hope you understand that these are just my thoughts, not against anyone or anything:

I've always dreamt of getting married at the age of 25, have my first kid by 27, the second by 30 and another 2 more by 35. Yes I know I'm crazy but I really do love kids, but of course when it comes to my own kids, it's a whole different story. Now this is when the whole rush of pains and tortures albeit some lovely truths that I will receive, which I'll cover on that later. Firstly, let's get in order

Marriage at 25: This is probably the most impossible as of now. I'm 22 and I've yet to met my Mr Right. And in another less than a month's time, I'm heading off to studies, which will probably take me about 2-2.5 years, by that time, just nice, I'm nearing 25 or I'm already 25. Marriage thoughts? More like trying to get my Mr Right, getting to know him, lovey-dovey honeymoon period first, but there's a possibility of breakup, and I'm off to my first job, which my financial stability hasn't start to set in yet… So marriage will definitely not be on my mind by then.

First kid by 27: Also not possible but not impossible too. Who knows it's going to be a shotgun marriage? Or probably I will just be a single mum?? Haha this aside.. Let me tell you what people are telling me upon hearing this:

1) Are you crazy?
2) So fast/soon?
3) So young?
4) You've not enjoyed your youth yet!
5) You've not enjoyed your time with your husband alone yet!
6) And tons and tons I can't type them out.. It's too long

Albeit the nice phrases;

1) Not a very big age gap with your children, can relate well to them
2) I wanna be the Godfather/mother

Period. Haha.. more cons than pros?? Of course not to mention some really common ones I've heard when I mentioned a total of 4 kids:

1) Very expensive to raise kids now
2) About 70% of your life is on kids, 20% to your husband and 10% to yourself
3) You have to keep saving money for their education
4) You are always concerned about their safety
5) You must educate them, it's your responsibility to discipline them, but the school's responsibility is to expand their knowledge of the world -_- (why do I have to send my kids when I can do it myself???)

But the nice things I hear:

1) They are so adorable and obedient (that's when their young)
2) When they grow older, let them support you. It's time they support you

Ok I think that's almost about it. Period. Hmm I'm sure there's lot to debate on the nice truths.. Haha..

I'm not going to make a bet on when I get married, how many kids and how my husband will be like and bla bla bla bla.. But something I know somehow will change, is my thoughts on marriage as I get older, more independent, have better financial abilities within my own needs and for pleasure. I might actually be like my sis, marriage might not even be on my mind, not to even mention a boyfriend. Maybe my friend is right, whatever a boyfriend can give her girlfriend, any guys can do it too, it's just the thought that this person is not my boy/girlfriend so I shouldn't be doing this and that and bla bla bla.. Should we really be thinking this way? Of course this then boils down to the word "Love". Love between this 2 people so anything and everything nice and lovely and romantic should probably be kept within them. Anything outside will lead to "jealousy", "anger" which may even lead to breakup…

But then again, if this bgr thing didn't even appear in the first place, maybe everyone will just be nice, lovely and romantic to everyone, we won't even bother about marriage and settling down, we might even just have kids with anyone.. Erm.. ok sounds wrong, but it's all about how we think and how we want things to go??

Then again, my question is "What is marriage?" When 2 people are really comfortable with each other, loves each other and wants to stay with each other, do they really have to get married? Isn"t marriage just an identity to tell people that couples are now "Husband and Wife". No it's more than that?? Hmm ok I know there's the vow that eventually says "…… in health and in sickness, til death do us part." Do we really have to keep to the vow?? So if the marriage takes a down turn, does that mean we still got to stick by each other even if there are affairs happening?? Hmm.. Then here's a thought: Marriage should never have occurred in the first place or rather as what my friend mentioned, your spouse or whoever is your Mr/Miss/Mrs Right NOW not Mr/Miss/Mrs Right. Hmm hope you can understand.. And also, if couples are starting to live under one roof? So what's the difference between getting married and not getting married? Kids??

What is settling down? How can one settle down when you still have your own work, your financial worries, your kids, planning for the future and bla bla bla.. Is this settling down?? Seems more like settle up and up.. And then people get stress and tired and get grouchy and grumpy about having to take care of this and that and this and that.. Haha.. So what is settling down??

What is Perfect/Complete family? Very common answer: Father, Mother and a child. Period.. Child with no specific gender nor number… And add a little, Father/Husband with 5Cs, Mother with a couple more Cs and an educated, successful child, or then again, everyone is successful.. Hah.. I guess not a chance such a thing will happen.. But frankly speaking, what really is a perfect or complete family?? Is a kid really necessary?

What is considered as Mr/Miss/Mrs Right? Hmm something I'm sure many people questions themselves "Is he/she the one for me?" We always have a list of what type of people we are looking for to constitute as our perfect partner.. But we always end up with someone otherwise, which eventually boils down to 'feelings' Hah.. weird but no choice.. Or rather when we have found someone that suitably fits our perfect partner bill, we never seem to be attracted to them somehow.. Now I wonder why. Even myself. I have a list of the type of guy I like and there are many whom fits the bill, but I'm just not attracted to them… Or is it because I didn't want to?? Is it really about 'feelings" that I fell for someone else all the time?? Maybe and maybe not.. I don' know. I guess I've not literally fell for someone that makes me go really weak in the knees and want him more than ever?? Hah! So how can we ever judge who our Mr/Miss/Mrs Right is? Of course time will tell.. But can time really tell when we've already fallen too deep into the timewell??

Ok, these are my views and thoughts and in case all these sounded like I'm really not going to get a boyfriend or get married -- WRONG! It still boils down to being traditional, I will still want to get married and have children (how many? I'll see how it goes at that time). I do want an identity and I'm probably destined to lead a not so relaxing life where I get just sit at home and shake my leg, but I like working, being stressed and all?? Haha. So my final decision AS OF NOW, I'm still getting my Mr Right, getting married and have kids and lead a happy life. That's AS OF NOW. Haha..


PS: Someone please tell me that Women still have market value after 30... If no, then I don't want to waste my time searching for Mr Right anymore. haha.. Kidding. By the way, my views aren't finished yet.. These are just some of it.. The blog is too long....

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