lost and confused
its turning one year soon and i'm still living in his shadow somehow.. i wanna get out of it.. i wanna move on already, which i thought i did until some recent events kept me thinking back.. i'm starting to fear something again, which this time might be worse, scarier, coz of how you behave and treated the situation right in front of me..
i'm both physically and mentally drained already.. very very drained.. too many things are happening in my life now.. never felt so drained, never felt so painful.. never really enjoyed myself.. all the enjoyment were just for a short while..
was probed yesterday if i was happy.. tell me your definition of happiness and i'll tell you if i'm happy.. seriously, everyone has different types of happiness, perhaps i'm seeking for the perfect happiness (which apparently i have no idea what it is) or rather i wan everything to go my way?? sigh..
i'm lost and confused to some problems now.. its right there in front of my eyes yet i dun wanna acknowledge it.. i'm just plain scared of the consequences.. ppl are discouraging me as well.. i dunno why.. only 1 in 5 tells me to persevere while the rest says give up.. who am i to listen?? myself.. but i'm also lost coz i'm scared.. things are back to square one now.. the same as before on my birthday.. the way things happened, the way things were.. almost everything.. haiz.. but i suppose i wun think too much since i'm gone, at least gone for good?? argh!!! i dun even know what i'm thinking.. everything's just too forceful.. i just wanna give up on everything.. i need a break!!!
Thursday, April 27, 2006 ; 10:18 PM
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