lonely???
sometimes i really wonder, does it make a difference whether i'm there or not.. do ppl really ask why am i not there?? i dunno.. i just dun feel welcomed, i dun feel appreciated for what i've done, i just feel that i'm invincible..
maybe i'm paranoid.. i dunno.. or maybe i really do seek attention?? but i guess not.. OMG!!! i really dunno what i'm thinking..
too many things are happening at one time, i dun have the space to breathe! i cant find enough time to rest!.. as my name means strong, but i dun think i am mentally.. physically?? even worse..
there are so many things that i've definitely not done well.. and i feel like running away from it..
exam results sucks, gcc finances are not done on time, sl prog i'm not there most of the time, dnd sponsorships kinda slack a lot in the later months, and now i feel like getting away from being a gl.. sianz.. i feel really useless and lousy now..
many things are going through my thoughts, how i feel about myself, my attitude, my behaviour, my responsibilities, my personalities, everything about me.. i really need to learn to say no to some things.. i'm just picking up more and more things for what?? to not look for jobs.. suddenly the thought of having to find a job is starting to freak me out.. why?? coz of my poor results, my lack of experiences, freak out of not doing in interviews, have seriously no idea what i wanna work as.. haiz..
director is offering me a job, friends are helping me to find jobs, mum is pestering me when will i find a job, sister also asking me have i found a job.. OMG!!! and i still have a lot of school events lining up!!! haiz.. when will this ever end?? i seriously have no idea.. told everyone by end april.. but i suppose now will be mid june.. i suppose after cambodia trip, i can finally call it a career time.. sigh...
Friday, April 07, 2006 ; 9:25 AM
Comments:
Post a Comment