am i really satisfied???
am i really ok with what he said to her?? am i really over it?? do i really know what i want?? do i really want to move on?? do i really wan him out??
i really dunno.. i thought i've already sort out my thoughts and my life but after yesterday, NO i haven't.. its only yesterday i realised i still miss him, i still love him a lot.. there's just no way i wun talk about him, i wun mention him, i wun think about him, i wun miss him.. i cant..
school is starting soon.. i dun wanna go back.. i's scared to see him.. i'm scared to face him.. i'm scared to talk to him.. i'm scared i'll breakdown.. i'm so scared just so scared.. i'm so scared to see him with another girl..
i wan him to be happy but i just cant let him go.. i'll be just like any girls, who gets jealous..
i still have so many questions for him.. too many i dunno where to start and how to start.. i dun even know if i should clear my doubts.. will it be good?? will i breakdown after listening?? will i detest him more?? but if i dunno, maybe it'll be better but i'll keep thinking about it..
was he really prepared at first?? did he really love me before?? did he expect that it'll end soon?? does he really still treat me as a friend?? i really dunno.. there's just too many questions too many..
i'm drained.. so drained.. mentally drained, physically drained.. its been 4 long months and i'm still not over it.. do i really wan him back?? my mind says no but my heart is hoping for a miracle.. i've so many reasons not to choose him but is love all about our criterias?? i'm so lost.. was my feelings for him really love or more like possessing?? i dunno.. i really dunno.. i really dunno what love is all about, what it should be and how it should be..
i cant open up, i cant widen my comfort zone.. i just cant.. i feel so useless, i feel so stupid, i feel so dumb, i just feel like dying.. i just wanna get out of here.. enough is enough for me.. i really wan to move on but how can i?? i dunno.. i really dunno..
Wednesday, November 16, 2005 ; 9:41 PM
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