i'm feeling miserable, more and more each day, more and more upset, more and more unforgiving of myself.. why? coz i'm still constantly thinking of you, still love you as much as ever, still worry for you even though you've moved on..

yes, you've moved on.. and i should to.. i tried to but i just cant.. i still miss you. thats the fact, i have nothing to hide.. i miss you to the entend that i dun dare talk to you, i dun dare to face you, i dun dare to be your friend once again. why? coz i dun just want to be friends with you. i wanna get back.. but i know its impossible.. both my mind and heart contradicts one another.. i dunno which to follow and i dun want to follow both.. i was to control them but i dun even know what i want...

i've never been so sad, so miserable before.. it just gets worse and worse each day when it shouldn't be.. but i just cant control.. apparently, we both have friends we are close to.. seeing them sometimes just reminds me of the times when you were with us..

i'm not willing to forgive myself after what i've done.. not even now.. i'm a bitch, i'm a slut.. i dunno.. maybe i'm just not as good as what everyone thinks. i'm worse, a million times worse than any girls..

sometimes i wonder if i'm being understanding or being demanding to you? i dunno... i really dunno.. i want to cry, i've always wanted to do. but my tears have all dried up, my heart is so numbed that i'm not willing to open up to anyone, not even the closest pal..

i still worry about whether you've eaten well, whether you still sleep well, how's ur major project going on.. all these, i try to stop worry but i cant.. its been a routine from the start to see if you've been doing well.. indeed you have but i just cant stop.. it pains me in the past to see you've gone sick even til now, it still pain when you're not good.. but so what?? you cant see those and you never will coz i'll never show.. but others can see.. and what can you do if you do know?

i want to move on.. i really want but there will never be a time, not once, that i'll not mention you at all, i'll not think of you.. you're always on my mind, every hour, every min, every sec.. i'll never stop thinking of you.. my feelings have grown stronger each time which indeed is very weird.. but i dun think its stupid while others may think it is..

will you ever know how i still feel towards you? will you ever still care for me as a friend? will there still be a second chance?? i really dunno.. i'm confused, lost, miserable, sad, disappointed, everything bad and emotional...

(0) comments