hmmm, i guess now i have to admit that i do have a cunning tongue, a mouth that speaks too directly, without thinking about other people's feelings.. i didnt uesd to be like that back in sec school.. wonder is it coz of the change of environment that i've start to be more direct? or is coz i'm too close to friends that i thought "oh well, they're my close friends, dun think they'll be offended.. haha.." NO WAY!!! speaking too directly is not something that i wan or something that i ask for. it just comes naturally. you wanna hear the truth, you gotta be ready to accept all sorts of insults i guess. unless you wan the lie, there's no way you can get any advice out of it...

haiz.. whatever i suppose.. this is me now.. a personality which i'm starting to dislike.. but yet, i cant fnd back the personality that i like.. if i do, some ppl are going to ask, why have you become so girly??? why have you become so quiet and bla bla bla or rather someone will ask why am i just not myself.. when i say i am myself, no one believes.. y? coz they are used to who i am in front of them..

to speak the truth, i am jealous that others stole the limelight.. i'm jealous that y cant i be the main lead.. but come to think of it, i've always wanted to be a low-profile person.. and indeed i am and i should be glad.. but yet i get jealous that others get to have more attention than me.. haha.. what a confused mind i have.. i'm also sick and tired talking about certain topics yet there's nothing else i can talk about except those.. sianz.. is life really that dull??? why are the conversations always circling around that someone??? was it coz i started it?? or was it coz there's some relevance?? i dunno.. but i'm definitely suffering from it..

ok for the real thing now, can someone just brainwash me?! i hate what i'm thinking since the beginning. i hate it that it happened and then its gone.. i hate it when my life and mind is just circling around him.. someone said dun force myself not to think.. if have to think, just let it be.. but my thoughts are things that have neevr happened before and wish that it'll happen.. what the heck?! ppl think of the past, memories but mine are not memories to speak truthfully... its more like hoping to get back and have more things to share together bla bla bla..

i'm sick and tired.. and now i mean physically sick and tired.. thought the flu was going to be alright but then again, coughing is the next thing i have to take care of.. then next comes my asthma.. walking up a flight of stairs was definitely a chore for me now... sianz.. tml's outing off for me i suppose but is still on for the rest.. haha.. have fun!

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